Your dad touched me again.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
