we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
