I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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