you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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