I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
a search helicopter?!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
