Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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