all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
