Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
