I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize