never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
