If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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