Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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