It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize