I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
