I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
