So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
