If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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