Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
