Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
