i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize