i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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