Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
