just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
