wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
