Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
