At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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