so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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