3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
