It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize