i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We left an ass print on the piano.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
