South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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