Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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