so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
