Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
