i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
