She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
