Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just high enough for therapy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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