Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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