Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
