all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
