i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
