peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You need Xanax blowdarts
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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