where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
