The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
