I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
