And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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