i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
