Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
