I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
