1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
