You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
