I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
