Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
