why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
