Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
