I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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