found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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