my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
