I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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