I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
