i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
