I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize