My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
