god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
