It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
