to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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