My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
