I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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