i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
