i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
