so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
