I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
