You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
