is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
