She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
