I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
