You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
