Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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