weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
