i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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