i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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